The Assist Document the Darker Side of Christmas on “Divorced For Christmas”

While most Christmas singles reach for sleigh-bells, sentimentality and snow-globe perfection, The Assist have delivered something far more honest — and far funnier. Their new track “Divorced For Christmas” bottles the chaos, tension and low-key disasters that define the season for countless families: the rows, the break-ups, the burnt dinners and the awkward silences no amount of tinsel can hide.

Set against a classic Phil Spector-esque wall-of-sound — all effervescent piano, fizzy rhythms and sugary harmonies — the song cleverly contrasts its bright, vintage pop exterior with a narrative of festive dysfunction. It’s spirited, tongue-in-cheek, and painfully relatable. Featuring a standout guest performance from Birmingham’s Rhianna Keane (The Voice UK), the track nods to Slade’s legacy in the band’s hometown of Walsall while carving out its own place in the canon of unconventional Christmas classics. Below, frontman Mikey Stanton digs deeper into the messy memories, musical inspirations and hometown pride that shaped “Divorced For Christmas.”

Most Christmas songs lean into the magic and nostalgia of the season, but “Divorced For Christmas” embraces the chaos, tension and family fallouts many people secretly relate to. What drew you to telling the other side of Christmas?

My recollection of Christmas as a child was just as much tension and animosity amongst family as it was joy. Traditionally my mum and dad would always row on Christmas Day and It was something that myself and my brother would become to anticipate. I think that made us very anxious and sometimes angry kids at Christmas time. As I grew up listening to Christmas songs that spread joy and happiness, I couldn’t believe that no one had touched on the fact that Christmas can be a difficult time for so many. Even if people cannot relate to our Christmas song we owe it to ourselves to write a song for us as a means of documenting our experiences. A bit of a nod towards those that grew up in families that weren’t great all of the time. Not everyone has the Christmas experience that so many films depict, It’s important to not be wilfully ignorant to that.

You’ve described your own family’s tradition of a Christmas Day row — how much of the song is pulled directly from real memories, and how much is exaggerated for festive effect?

There’s certainly an element of exaggeration, some of the best stories are make believe yet still teach us so much. The characters within this song aren’t necessarily based on anyone in particular but are still able to help detail what kind of difficulties families may experience at Christmas time. There were elements of my childhood that were better than what this song portrays and there were also elements that were worse. The most important thing that I’d like people to take from this song is that not everyone has an amazing time at Christmas and we should be mindful of that where we can be.

The track has that classic, Phil Spector-style wall-of-sound energy, yet lyrically it’s hilariously bleak. How did you strike the balance between uplifting, vintage Christmas sonics and a story of everything going wrong?

When writing I had listened to a number of different Christmas songs. I wanted to take influence from songs that were written and performed by bands as I feel those are the best kind of Christmas songs. My favourite song in particular is ‘Christmas Wrapping’ by The Waitresses. I think this song also manages to bring a joyous energy yet also provides a bit of a sarcastic vocal. I don’t actually know how we managed to capture this energy but we knew we wanted to create a song that had quite clearly been put together by a band. In Ryan Pinson at RML studios we also have a secret weapon. He’s a very talented man and really created an environment that allowed us to express ourselves as musicians.

Inviting Rhianna Keane to duet adds a new emotional dimension to the song. What made her the right voice to bring into this world of festive dysfunction?

Rhianna is a fantastic singer and has amazing energy. We had played a show with her many years ago in Birmingham and her father and mine are very good friends. We felt weirdly connected through conversations that our fathers had held and everything just fell into place. I had sent her the structure and lyrics the week before we were due to track. She came into the studio on the day and literally nailed it in less than an hour. She has an amazing voice and it adds such an iconic feel to the song.

Walsall being the hometown of Noddy Holder — one of Christmas music’s biggest icons — gave you extra motivation to write a Christmas track. Did that legacy influence how ambitious or playful you felt you could be with this song?

100%, a Christmas song was always something that we had envisioned doing from day one. That thought that had always been in the back of our minds was entirely down to the legacy that had been left by Slade in Walsall and all over the country. We actually played with Slade about 5 years ago now, Dave Hill is a fantastic guy and regularly performs at RML studios which is where the track was recorded. They’re a massive inspiration of ours and we are grateful for all of them. Their energy, creativity and legacy certainly allowed us to be cheeky with the track. We can only hope that the track gains a tenth of the traction that theirs did.